Saturday, December 11, 2010

Things I Wish Would Move Out Of My House: Part 1: The Huntsman Spider

Now that the possums are gone, I can turn to other things. I feel like David must have. It was all like Goliath-Goliath-Goliath before the showdown, but now he’s out of the picture I’m noticing just how much those smaller Philistines annoy me. So now that the possums have been evicted, I’ve come up with a list of other animals I wish would move out of my house.

The first is the Huntsman spider:

The Hunstman spider is a scary looking spider. They would be less scary if they weren’t so speedy. They would also be less scary if they weren’t the size of my hand. However, since Hunstmen eat cockroaches and other insects, I try not to scream and run whenever I see one scuttling along on the ceiling. However, this strategy doesn’t work. Its like God thought: "Right, I've used up all the venom in all the other spiders, so I'll have to make this one look extra scary." I blame God, of course, because evolution doesn't make value judgements. Evolution couldn't populate the world with bunnies and kittens even if it wanted to. You know who could? God. But He doesn't, because He is a vengeful God. 

The only time I have not been scared of a huntsman spider was 5 o’clock one morning in the bathroom when one ran over my foot. That time I was too tired to react. But I made sure I had a small panic attack later on in the day to make up for it. 

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