Monday, October 1, 2012

Warning: Adult Content. Allegedly.

Tomorrow I have an appointment with my accountant to do my tax return. The Australian financial year actually ended on June 30th, but I don't like to rush into these things. The excuse I use is that I make an appointment at the same time as my mother to save her the drive, and her finances are way more complicated than mine and sometimes she has to wait a while for statements and stuff to arrive in the mail. The truth is, I'm just lazy. 

I know. Shocker, right? 

This year, I think that Christine, my accountant, will be pleased to find out the following things: 

1. I have lost the folder she gave me last year to keep all my financial stuff in. Seriously, no idea where that's gone. Luckily none of my paperwork was in it. It was all in the empty Rekorderlig cider carton on my study floor. 

2. Despite not even being able to tackle an Australian tax return, I went and earned money overseas. Did the IRS tax return myself. Can only presume the IRS are laughing so hard at some of my more dazed and confused answers that they haven't had a chance to send me an angry letter yet. 

3. There is a dead spider stuck to one side of my Group Certificate. It's okay, it's not Simon. 

Every year, without fail, my tax appointment reminds me of one thing: I am an alleged grown up who has the financial acumen of a five year old. 

Make that a five year old with superannuation, bitches! Can't wait til I can blow the whole lot on Chocolate Marshmallow Fish, Lego, and shiny things. Who's with me? 

Chocolate Marshmallow Fish - the best thing to come out of NZ since Split Enz.

Is there anyone else out there not-so-secretly masquerading as an adult? 

Oh, and just for funzies: Here is my favourite Split Enz song, Six Months in a Leaky Boat


  1. Okay, first I had to look up superannuation. We just use code here in the US for "I'm going to be eating cat food when I'm 80" -- it's called 401K. But congrats to you for superannuizing. Totally an adult now. A lazy one, but an adult nonetheless. Now celebrate by eating Captain Crunch cereal for dinner! :P

    1. Oh, so that's what a 401K is! It's fun to learn things.

      Cereal for diner? Pfft. I made fairy bread!

  2. I'm still masquerading (enough that I've got about four superannuation accounts and need to combine them all with all the jobs I've had)... I'm one of those people who rush out and get their tax done because I want the cheque that I get. Good luck with your taxes :D

    1. Thanks Cheree! I wish I was organised enough to runout and get my tax done straight away, but I'm really not. And even though I know it's my money and the government was just using it to waste on roads and hospitals and stuff, I always treat my tax return like it's FREE MONEY!!!! TO THE PUB!

  3. Something tells me your five-year-old self could still beat the crap out of my four-year-old self.

  4. Let's sort this out on the sandpit!

  5. I am not an adult. I don't know how to be one. If my dog didn't warn me about things like burning food and burglars, I would have ignited the cabin by now and had my giant box TV that only works to play DVDs stolen. I can't do my taxes on my own. I have to pay TurboTax to do it. I once tried to refrigerate a giant cake for a department meeting on a 93 degree day by locking it in my tiny kitchen with the window AC cranked because it wouldn't fit in the fridge. The balloons melted. I recently cut my finger almost to the bone then texted my mom while blood poured onto my phone keypad to find out what I should do.

    I don't actually know how I am still alive or why anybody in their right mind would issue me a driver's license.

    Best of luck with the taxes!

    Chocolate marshmallow fish??

    1. Thanks Jill! Chocolate fish are awesome, BTW!

      I'm so glad that I'm not the only one out there pretending to be grown up. We need to start a support group or something, because obviously there are a heap of us out there.

      When I was a kid I had this idea that being an adult automatically meant you knew what you were doing at all times and in all situations. Also, that you magically got over wanting toys and fun books and became interested in politics and news and Serious Things. So untrue in my case.

      I'm glad your mother stopped you from bleeding to death. I once phoned mine very excitedly to tell her I'd been to the supermarket and bought a roast. Now what did I do to cook it?



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