Friday, November 16, 2012

A Story with a Moral (and inappropriate language, and marsupials)

Last night at work I was wondering what to blog about today. I'm not one of these organised people you may have heard about, who plans out posts weeks beforehand. That's okay. They say that you should let your personality show when you blog, and I think that my general lackadaisical attitude really shines through in my posts. So, mission accomplished. Anyway, I figured that at some point between finishing night shift, sleeping most of the day away, and crawling out of bed in the mid-afternoon, I'd come up with something I could blog about. 

I got home just after 6 a.m. I fed the pets, and read through the instructions from the vet on the dog's medication regime. Because of her arthritis and an ear infection, she's a junkie now. My mum turned up. She's one of those Morning People. I don't understand them, but I recommend keeping at least one in the family. 

I told her a bit about my night, we planned a trip to the shops tomorrow, and we were still talking about nothing much at all when I went into my bedroom to get into my pyjamas. I walked in, turned around to respond to something Mum said, and FREAKED OUT. 

"Holy fuck," I said, which is never a good thing to say in front of your mum. Even when you're an adult. Because she raised you better than that. 

"What?" she asked. 

"Holy fuck," I said again, when the word I was looking for was, in hindsight: POSSUM. 




And look. Here is my oblivious dog, being oblivious. 



"Jesus, Cleo," I said. "What if it had been after our TV?" 

Who am I kidding? Cleo has a drug habit now. If anyone's going to steal the TV, it will be her. 

"How should we get rid of it?" Mum asked. 

"Court order?" I suggested. 

Luckily my mum is more practical than me. 

Step 1: With the use of a stepladder and a towel, we removed the possum from above the door. It escaped briefly in the living room, dashed out the back door, and tried to climb the rail on the back steps. It swung around repeatedly trying to gain purchase. It looked like an astronaut in one of those spinny-training things. This was the point where my mother was laughing so hard she dropped the step ladder, and I tried to get the spinning possum on video but connected to my voicemail instead. 

Step 2: We bundled the possum up into the towel again, righted the ladder, and tried to introduce the possum to the possum house hanging outside in my car port. The possum scrambled straight over it, onto the fence, and into the neighbour's palm tree. It was about this time, just when I thought I could call it a victory, that the cat vomited on the back steps. 

So there you are. Last night I didn't have anything to blog about, and I trusted the universe to provide. It provided a possum. And cat vomit. 

Moral of the story: Careful what you wish for.

22 comments:

  1. Makes for a very funny story,you have to admit. I laughed at the point your mom hit the wrong button to take a picture and got the voicemail. Even before the cat did its thing. He must have gotten dizzy watching the possum.

    Laughing is a good thing.

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    1. It was ridiculous, but at least I remembered to take photos for the blog, right? :)

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  2. O_O How did that get there?!?!

    *once again grateful for the dull animal life on offer in the UK*

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    1. I love possums in their natural habitat. Which is not my bedroom. Seriously, I thought we were over this! I thought they'd learned to stay outside, and I'd learned to bribe them to do that with the occasional banana.

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  3. I feel the dog is the only one who came out of this story with any dignity.

    mood

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    1. Hmm...I mustn't have told it right. Because she has very little dignity, I promise. :)

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  4. Just think what the possum was feeling when you came home and it hid, only to find it'd taken refuge in your bedroom! I bet it was swearing a bit, too. (Though much quieter.)

    And was this Johnny, or Banshee? Or simply a friend who came by to play poker with Cleo?

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    1. I appreciate that I ruined the possum's morning as much as it ruined mine, but, to be fair, I think that I can claim the moral high ground as it's MY HOUSE!!!

      And I think it was possibly Banshee. Too small to be Johnny or Siouxie, but maybe just the right size to be a more grown up Banshee.

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  5. Great anecdote! I love a story that ends with an animal vomitting (my dog does this often for dramatic effect) and has the Holy F exclamation :D

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    1. My dog vomitted in my car once. Sheepskin seat covers can be such a bad idea...And you find plenty of bad language on my blog. :)

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  6. Aw, this story made my day! That's great! Poor little guy. It's like the movie Over the Hedge where the animals break into the house and try to steal all the food. I guess you're lucky his plan failed. ;)

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  7. Curses!!! Foiled again. I specifically told that possum to check the night stand beside your bed for a copy of the book-we-do-not-acknowledge, and it got caught again! Possums make lousy spies. But drug addicted dogs, on the other hand, can be made to do all sorts of things. *rubs palms together*

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    1. You just can't trust a possum with a nefarious plan. This things will double-cross you in a heartbeat.

      Note to self: rehab for dog. Before she is compromised.

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  8. Holy f*** is right!!! That would have freaked me out and I love cute furry aminules ;) It just would have been a shock that's all.

    Love this story!

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  9. Ha, I have a similar possum story. It's kind of surprising to find one in your house, isn't it? I have to admit, I think they're kind of cute. Too bad you missed out on getting the spinning possum on video. That sounds like it would have been adorable.

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    1. The spinning possum would have been hilarious!

      And "kind of surprising" is an understatement.

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  10. ROFL, thanks for this morning laugh!

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  11. Too funny! Can I pretend the whole time you were trying to get the possum out Spanish Flea was playing?

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mML2fPec7xU

    Cleo probably saw the possum but assumed she was tripping.

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    1. OMIGOD! The Spanish Flea! Who remembers those ABC Sing-along books from primary school? Help me out Aussie kids!

      You might be right about Cleo. Possums were probably the most normal thing she saw all night. It's the clowns with paper bag hands pursuing her through milk that really bothered her.

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