Thursday, November 29, 2012

Things I learned from the Zombie Christmas party

The other night we had our work Christmas party. The theme was "The Zombie Apocalypse." Like all work Christmas parties, it was fraught with danger. Mostly the danger that you will get too drunk and say what you really think. But it turns out most of us already say what we really think. 

"You know," said a partner of one of my workmates, "at our Christmas party, when the boss stands up to give his speech everyone shuts up. You guys heckle." 

And we heckle damn good. 

But here are the things I learned from the Christmas party: 

1. I cannot play pool. Although I play it moderately better drunk than when sober, I still cannot play it. I don't know why I keep believing that I can. 

2. I work with trained investigators, one of whom sidled up to me, grinned, and said "You don't look like a INSERT PSEUDONYM HERE." 

I always told myself that if I was confronted, I would look vaguely confused and ask politely what they meant. But it turns out that what I do instead is absolutely piss myself laughing and demand more alcohol. 

3. I take all of my photographs in Alco-Vision. Which turn out like this: 

Incorrect: back lighting. 

Incorrect: no lighting.

And, my absolute favourite: 

Incorrect: can't feel my face...I just...oooh...THUNDERSTRUCK!

And I don't feel bad for posting these photos of my colleagues, because there is already worse on Facebook. By which I mean recognisable. So I am avoiding Facebook for the next week at least. 

4. I am an ex-smoker. Ex is apparently short for "Except when I've drunk so much I can't feel my face anymore." 

5. When in doubt, put ACDC on the jukebox. 

6. Finally, it's interesting trying to get a taxi when you're covered in fake blood. 
"What's going on here?" the driver asked suspiciously. 
"Zombie party," Katrina managed. 
Leaning against the lamp post, I said, "Braaaiins!" 
Luckily, he gave us a lift anyway. 

What have you guys been up to this week? 


  1. Sounds like a good time was had by all.

    But it's not even December! Or are you Aussies just gearing up for the Twelve Days of Blitzness?

    1. December is busy and crappy in our job, so we have an early Christmas party every year. It's also cheaper, and therefore the social club can put more money on the bar.

      See...thinking all the time!

  2. I certainly haven't been up to anything as fun as that! That has to be the most awesome Christmas party theme ever.

    1. It was a great theme! I'm trying to convince everyone to do "The Love Boat" for next year. Considering we watch so many re-runs on night shift. Or maybe just a general 1980s TV Theme. You know, so the Magnum PI lovers don't get left out.

  3. Soooooo...what I need to do is get the Townsville investigators drunk (somehow I think this will be ridiculously easy), offer them cheap cigarettes, shoot a few rounds of pool, and all will be revealed! And all this time I've been concentrating on training those damn possums to learn your pseudonym. Much easier to get info out of a drunk cop who's afraid of incriminating, morning-after zombie photos. :))

    1. Yes, LG...that's all you have to do...

      *looks nervously at MC*

  4. LOL, Braaaiins!

    I'm so jealous of your zombie party! I feel like we only get to do that on Halloween. Our Christmas parties involve hideous over-sized holiday sweaters featuring characters with puff ball noses.

    And number 5...yes. Always.



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