|Awww...I mean ARGGGH!|
Sunday, February 3, 2013
The Most Terrifying Possum Story Ever
Tonight at work a friend showed me a picture of her sister's newest housemate. Here it is, living in the special little house that has been built for it:
No, Possums are not cute. They only appear that way to lull you into a false sense of security.
The following is a true story.
Last night at the pub we got to talking about possums. As you do. To be fair, we started with home renovations, which led to the architectural features of old Queenslanders, which led to tin roofs and wooden shutters, and there we were. The important thing is, we started off on an adult conversation, right?
And, you guys, you know my possum stories are fairly horrific, but last night I heard the Most Terrifying Possum Story Ever. You might want to read this in the daylight.
This story comes courtesy of John and Joey. No last names, to protect their identities.
The scene: the Police Academy, Oxley, Brisbane.
A stinking hot summer day.
After a hard day working (insert artistic licence here) John went to the Coke machine to get a cold drink. He put his money in, pressed the button, then stuck his hand in the chute for his drink. He didn’t get it.
Instead, he got a handful of irate possum that – having crawled up inside the machine to escape the heat – was not happy about being brained by a can of Coke and shoved out into John's waiting hand.
The possum, needless to day, freaked out.
So did John.
Meanwhile Joey, attracted by the sound of screaming (John’s and the possum’s), almost wet himself with laughter.
He was still laughing about it last night; laughing so hard that he could hardly breathe. To his credit, so was John.
If it was me, I’d be this guy:
The horror, indeed.