Saturday, September 7, 2013

I have a cold

I have a cold. 

It is a very unattractive cold. It looks a lot like this: 

In fiction, people rarely have colds. This is because not only is it unattractive, it is also impractical. 

It's hard to save the world when you can't walk three steps without wheezing. 
It's hard to outwit the evil genius when your head hurts. 
It's hard to be an action hero when your holster is stuffed with tissues. 

When I was a kid, I had a love for that very romantic notion of dying of consumption. Or a broken heart. Which was usually exacerbated by consumption. Then, at some point, I learned what consumption was. 

Romantic? Eugh. No. 
Tragic. From a distance, sure. 
But there is nothing remotely beautiful about it. 
It's a lot like a cold. But bloodier. And fatal. 

Oh, sure, Keats made it a little bit beautiful: 

I see a lily on thy brow,
With anguish moist and fever-dew,
And on thy cheeks a fading rose
Fast withereth too.

But you'll notice he ended La Belle Dame sans Merci before the blood and the phlegm. 
Probably because nothing rhymes with phlegm. 


This post has been written under the influence of cold and flu medication. 
I take no responsibility for it. 

Can somebody get me some more tissues? And some Cheese Twisties? 
I'll be in bed, smothered in tissues. 


  1. T.S. Eliot said he liked having colds 'cause it put him in a different state of mind to write poems.

    And with that in mind, I had to take up your challenge about rhyming with phlegm...

    Here’s a poem for congested Jen,
    Whose posts are always such a gem,
    Even when full of tissues and phlegm.
    And yeah, one surely wants to condemn
    Anything that makes one cough and then
    Wheeze and sneeze and haw and hem
    From dawn to dusk and back again.

    1. Challenge well and truly met!

      Thanks, Steve! :)

      But I don't think I'll take T.S. Eliot's advice. If I want to be in a different state of mind, I'll choose alcohol.

    2. A cold is just like being drunk on germs! Feel better soon.

    3. I'd much rather be drunk of something else. The hangover is much easier to deal with!

  2. Oh, poor Jen. If there was a way to send tissues electronically, I would do it. I'd send them the regular way but they probably wouldn't get around the world in time. Feel better soon.

    1. Thanks, JE! I feel better already! I think my exclusive diet or garlic and orange juice did the trick. Well, it sure did something!



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