Thursday, September 25, 2014

What the hell just happened to Harry Potter?

It’s one of those news stories you hope can’t be real. A writer in the fan fiction world , claiming to be an evangelical Christian, has rewritten Harry Potter. It may be satire. I hope it’s satire, but sometimes it’s so hard to tell. I mean, I want to believe that no halfway intelligent person in the world would think that Harry Potter is satanic, let alone that this dross is an improvement, but you should never underestimate people’s capacity for stupidity.

Here’s an exchange between Harry and Hermione:

"This is the boys' dormitory," the devout young woman explained kindly; and she gestured to the heavy, oak door beside them. "I would show you inside; but I would hate to cause a scandal."
"I understand," Harry declared graciously. Too many young men these days pressure young women into things undesired and forbidden. It is the mark of a true, old-fashioned gentleman to respect the fact that every young woman is another man's future wife. And we all know that it would be a dreadful, terrible sin to bring another man's wife into intimacy. Why does modern culture suddenly treat that as okay simply because he does not have her yet? Man's laws may permit it; but the laws of the Lord are not bound by time.

And here’s Harry "defending" women when Malfoy says they shouldn’t have careers because they are stupid:

"Women shouldn't not have careers because women are stupid!" Harry shouted indignantly. "Women are not stupid at all! Women should not have careers because women are nurturing and loving and their gifts serve them best in the home!"

Thanks so much, Harry. Nice to know you've got my back.

But it’s this line that really makes me hope it’s satire. Aunt Petunia is explaining to Hagrid that she doesn’t want Harry to go to Hogwarts School of Prayer and Miracles:

“Thank you very much for your concern, sir, but he does not need your religion, he has science and socialism and birthdays.” 


I like the fan fiction world. I love it, in fact. But I can’t say I’ve ever seen anything quite this weird before. And I’m saying that as someone who knows what “sour skittles” means. (You might not want to Google that at work.) And this is much, much weirder than that.

So far Snopes has this one listed as "mixture". The rewritten story is absolutely real, but nobody seems to know if it’s taking the piss or not.

Check it out here at, and let me know what you think.


  1. When the first Harry Potter book came out, there was a letter in the local paper suggesting that we shouldn't let our kids be reading things that might lead them to witchcraft. And a few Christian organizations wanted to get them banned from libraries for the same reason.

    But this sounds to me like brilliant satire, especially in how every single dialogue tag has an adverb. Which of course is the mark of the devil. : p

    1. I do remember a lot of that fuss. I sort of thought it would all be over by now though!

      And I really, really do hope that it's satire. You might be right about that adverb thing!

  2. I don't care for fan fiction, and at least one highly respected female author doesn't either. It intrudes upon the author's world and can dilute the total effect.

    1. Hi DG. I love fan fiction. I may dilute the effect, I guess, but it's something you have to seek out. It's not like anyone accidentally reads it. I like to think that if I ever wrote something that inspired fan fiction, I'd be delighted about it.

      The only thing I really dislike about fan fiction is when it's pulled to be published, the character names are changed, and the writer then makes money out of it. Making money out of someone else's intellectual property is wrong.



Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...